One thing I have always taken pride in, is the fact that for the four years I have been in a committed relationship I have been able to balance my relationship with my friendships. And not only have I been able to balance that, but I believe I really go out of my way to work to put my time and my heart in those relationships that I truly value, especially my relationships with my girlfriends. So what do you do when you have a girlfriend who doesn't exactly live by that motto?
There are a lot of women out there that once they enter a serious relationship slowly but surely start to put less and less time into their friendships. Most of the time it's not necessarily intentional, it's usually due to one out of two of the following possibilities:
-Not being able to balance having a boyfriend and making time for girlfriends
-Thinking they have all they need in their relationship. As a result they start to no longer value their friendships as much as they used to
I have recently been in a situation like this with one of my girlfriends. We have been friends for years, but met at a time in our lives where we were still young, changing and trying to discover ourselves. So we have grown to become extremely different women. We have completely different interests, taste, lifestyles, dreams, priorities and even morals to a certain extent. But, despite our drastic differences we were always able to keep in touch. And whenever we did talk, it was as if no time had passed and we were still able to get each other to laugh for hours every time.
But, over the last year or so it hasn't exactly played out like that anymore. She started to date this guy who I always believed wasn't good for her. I tried to express my feelings and perceptions about him, but she was never having it. I just always felt like the dude was bringing her more problems than joy. On top of that, our differences have become more obvious to one another and now with this new guy who has had a TREMENDOUS influence on her, it's like she's an entirely different person. She talks about things I would of never heard her expressing an interest in before, moving to places that were never even an option, and putting things that were once main priorities to the side. We recently had a conversation, and I was disappointed to discover a whole bunch of life-changing things that have been going on in her life. And I feel like if I would have not called and reached out to her, I would of probably never found out. Not only did I find this hurtful but surprising as well. I just feel like our friendship is not as strong as it once was. And I'm also concerned about the influence this guy has had on her life and some of the decisions she has been making.
So what do you do when you see your girlfriend heading towards this route? I'm still not exactly certain how to deal with this kind of situation, but I can tell you what I'm leaning towards. Below are some of the things I'm planning on doing.
-Giving myself some time to fully grasp what's been going on with my friend, her life and our friendship.
-Deciding whether or not this friendship really matters to me anymore. If it doesn't, I'll stop calling and move on. If it does, I'll probably give her a call and honestly express everything I've been thinking.
-Giving her the opportunity to realize how I feel and how she has neglected the friendship. Allow her to start to making an initiative, this will tell me whether or not the friendship means as much to her as it does to me. And then just take it from there.
Being in a serious, committed and wonderful relationship myself I can understand how you would want to dedicate all your time to that special guy. But at the same time I learned and understood early on in my relationship the importance of friendship. Good girlfriends are there for you no matter what, and they stay by you during good times and bad times. And face it ladies sometimes relationships don't work out! It's your girlfriends that remain and help you get yourself back together. So why abandon them?
In my opinion if a friend really matters to you, I think it's definitely important to try to express what you are thinking and feeling to them. Because sometimes they are simply clueless about what's going on. But after that, if things don't change, I suggest to just move on and leave it alone. After all, your first love should always be yourself. Self-respect and self-love is really important and if someone doesn't value you as a friend, than you probably shouldn't pursue that friendship anymore.
So ladies stay loyal to your girlfriends!
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